1. Get to know someone before becoming intimate. Spend time together, if they’re putting pressure on you to have sex then they’re definitely a creep anyway.
2. Listen to your gut instincts.
3. Don’t put yourself in situations where sex is a possibility. Say public at first. Be careful how much alcohol you imbibe when you’re still getting to know someone. Have a friend around to back you up.
4. Meditate, be creative, spend an hour a day doing something that you enjoy. The better you know yourself and the more comfortable with yourself you are, the louder your instincts become.
5. Know that sex can be fun. That you should be comfortable. Laughter and eye contact are natural ways of connecting during sex.
6. Masturbate. Have fun. Experiment. If you don’t know how to get yourself off, then how are you going to teach someone else?
7. When you’re feeling really randy and you’re not up for masturbating, then do something physical: walk, run, ride your bike. Physical activity of any kind releases the same endorphins.
8. Live at home for a few months. There’s no better way to kill your sex life than having your parents breathing down your neck every day.
9. Plan an adventure with a friend. Get excited! Do a bunch of research and email each other some good links.
10. Anyone else have any suggestions?
I’ve spent all my romantic life struggling through one sexual encounter after another, trying to figure it out. I told myself that I was horny and that I ‘needed’ to get laid, but I almost always felt bad about myself afterwards, whether it be immediately or a few days following. It’s been very difficult for me to break this pattern, and I still don’t know if I really have completely. I get lonely at times and it seems to happen again and again, like a broken record.
I’ve been told a variety of times that I “just need to love myself”. But I’ve realized that this is not something that I can do overnight. I remember as a teenager I spent a lot of time hating myself and it’s taken a lot of work to reprogram those messages. So I just try to be patient with myself.
It sucks to feel like I can’t trust myself when I make choices about sex and that I could have slept with so many people, while feeling like trash afterwards. The part of me that completed these actions feels separate from me and at times it feels like I’m not able to communicate and reason with this entity. One day at a time I will keep trying to feel loved, so that I don’t end up in another bed due to feeling desperate and lonely. I work toward finding satisfaction in other parts of my life.
I believe that romance and good sex can’t be forced. It just happens sometimes.
By: Anonymous
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