What I Want From Sex

As a celibate being (http://softpinkpetals.blogspot.ca/2013/12/celibacy.html), I have a lot of time to think about sex outside of the throes of having it. Therefore, a lot of time to fantasize about what I want sex to look like once I start having it again. I believe that there is a lot more possibility to sex than I have experienced. I have seen flashes of what is possible through my various relationships and the occasional one night stand that worked out well. I remember one particular experience with my 2nd boyfriend, whom I had my 1st good sex with. He was going down on me and knew that I was about to have an orgasm and so he slowed down to draw out the experience and make it more intense. I haven't had a similar experience since then, and that was 10 years ago.
One thing I know for sure is that I would like both my partner and I to experience many orgasms with each other before any penis in vagina action. I would like us to become well acquainted with one another, first mentally, then physically. I guess what I'm looking for is a relationship really, but not like the relationships I've had in the past. I feel ready to hold out until someone worthwhile comes along and rocks my boat. It gives me time to work on my own projects without having to share my mind-space with another person. One such project being my sexuality, others being music, art, and perhaps a career in midwifery.
Why did I always feel this rush to have sex in the past? I felt that once I started flirting with someone, that I was supposed to have sex with them. I know that this behavior was often the direct result of low self-esteem and alcohol, but those are not the only pieces to the puzzle. While I was on my cross Canada train adventure (http://kauaiianvagabond.blogspot.ca/2014/01/toronto-to-vancouver-on-train.html) I had an interesting experience with a fellow. We were getting a bit close one the train physically, snuggling up to each other and such, when one the 3rd day he asked if he could kiss me. I didn't immediately say yes because I was not sure that was what I wanted from the situation, but we further discussed it and even cleared up what he meant. I had assumed that by saying he wanted to kiss me, that it would automatically turn into a make-out session. He told me that kissing was different from making-out and that a simple, but intimate, kiss would be satisfying. And so, with clear communication about the situation, I felt quite comfortable engaging in this way with him and did not regret the experience.
Another conclusion that I have been able to come to by limiting my physical interactions, is the realization that the feeling of caring about someone does not only come from having sex with them. The same feelings can be built off of a mental connection and the conscious decision not to have a physical relationship. And in these instances I think the feeling of caring is much more strong and stable and causes me much less stress.