Adventures in singing

Singing is such a psychological mind-trick. I record myself quite often and during the recording I feel as if I'm giving the song my all, but I'll listen to it afterwards and I'm most often surprised at how timid and meek my voice sounds. It lack strength. This will come with time, I believe it is much like a muscle that needs to be worked out and it will slowly get stronger.

I feel as if there's a lack of confidence in my voice, not only while I sing, but also while I speak. I'm afraid to be heard, afraid to be ridiculed, afraid to be wrong. That is what I hear from my voice. A lack of commitment to myself. A lack of credibility. How could I not believe in myself? There is no other person in which I could believe more than myself.

I am sure that as I continue to exercise my voice, I will gain confidence in myself, in my beliefs, and my well-being can only improve. Singing or engaging in music is, to me, one of the healthiest activities that I can do for myself. If I'm feeling down and I pick up my ukulele for a few minutes, I cannot help but feel better afterwards. Just the act of singing regulates your breathing, your heart rate and your thoughts.

But it also brings me this underlying anxiety! I want it to sound good, to sound right, to be perfect. It can leave my chest tight with the pushing desire to expel my voice from my body. Like it's a fight, a battle between my mind and my vocal cords. A lack of understanding and belief in what they are capable of.

It's all about letting go, releasing yourself to the music. Relaxing into it, letting it carry you, floating, not thinking, meditating, playing. These are all feelings I'd like to associate with singing. My goals. I know that place exists and I know I'm heading there. Singing is my happy place and my happy place is about to dominate my life. As it should.