Sometimes I feel ashamed of who I am. No rhyme or reason, so many things can trigger this feeling. Sometimes I even just wake up in this state. I would say about 50% of my experience lives in this realm, although it's going down as I get older and wiser.
I must have done something to deserve it my inner voice tells me. It could be the slightest smallest thing and then the shame that something so small could bother me intensifies it even further. Judging myself for judging myself. What a conundrum.
It feels so real that it's hard to really pinpoint. All I can do is speak gently to myself, if I remember, that I am safe, everything is okay, and this will pass soon. The more compassionate I can be the easier it is to deal with. It is the least intuitive response.
Writing this down helped me to remember. Thank you for reading.
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