Damnit

I feel like a lot of my posts are about love. And I wish that alot was a scrabble word because I would've used it twice in the past couple of weeks. Disclosure, I have had a couple of drinks and I'm about to rant, so if you're not into hearing a rant from a drunkin' fool about my disappointment in love then this post is not for you.

I'm trying. Really trying to do right by myself. I feel a little disappointed from time to time, but I can't be perfect and I recognize that though, I'm still disappointed in myself for not being perfect.

I mean really. Am I not supposed to have found a legit partner at this point in my life? I'm 28. When is the 'right' time? Who is the 'right' partner? Some people say that the best and most successful relationships have come out of them being friends with their partners first. But I'm just like...bleh. All the guys I start out being friends with I'm not attracted to at all. So am I just supposed to end up with someone that I'm not attracted to at all? Is that just the situation? That you're not supposed to be sexually attracted to the people that you're ending up with and having children with? Sexual attraction is just some tease that lures you away from the actual situation of getting along?

I mean, I like to feel and believe that my goals are unselfish. I want to feel that I'm getting along thinking that I'm working towards a greater good. But really I want to find the perfect man for me and I want to get it on with him, over and over and over again. I want to mate. I want to create. I want to make babies.

I worry that it's not going to happen. I worry that I will rush it because I'm so  busy worrying that it's not going to happen.

HAHAH it's all so insane...and I know it. Or do I know it? That is the question.