A flow of thoughts from Grandma's house

When the light is soft & white/grey, I feel light & the sound of quiet infiltrates my desires, soothing my expectations I had of myself or those interactions of everyday life that suck your life force arid and salty. Life slows down & I wonder how it got so fast in the first place. Why does it feel so hard to maintain a sense of sanity & disposition? Racing around investing in what you thought was a dream, but now you're not so sure. Living a life that you thought was a thing but now it's just a blur. In sickness & health but what if sickness lasts forever. These are pessimist's thoughts, I know, they are my inner doubt. He has much to say & is closer to my core. My optimistic side bubbles & sizzles around my body, trying to diffuse the environment, inspire it, catch fire to it, down right exert some control. Controlled, controlling...Who's got the gear shift, ears lifted for the answer because it's so criss-cross & befuddled. We're all in trouble. "Don't muddle it up," said the parents. "Do it correctly," said the teachers. Is it okay to be a meat eater? Are we supposed to drink 1 or 2 litres? Stop watching, start creating the movies in the theatres! Maybe you could invent your own solar-powered winter heater. "It's up to you now," said the crooked ladies with highbrows, while their round-bellied husbands sat back & recited facts, dozing in & out of conversations never really sure of their destinations, but calling out clearly their frustrations. I'm right your wrong tug-of-wars breaking out, us little ones getting down on all fours, under the table. Not wishing to be called upon to clear this detailed fable. Rushing out to the bathroom or "oh just going to spend some time in my room." Going out fro a breath of fresh air, experiencing a change of scenery. Something to get me to where my mind is cleared, my voice is loud, my stance is strong & I'm proud of myself for getting with it. For taking the higher road rather than spitting out my core of pessimistic attitudes on the surrounding suckers.