I'm struggling lately. Feeling quite down. Transitioning to a new place and saying goodbye to everyone around me that I care for. It's not easy. I feel like crying every day. I just want to lie in bed and be miserable. So I do a bit. I'm also stress eating, but I still find some strength in me to exercise to keep my heart up. Playing a bit of music.
Today I wrote an impromptu song about the man I've been falling in love with. I hoped that he could hear my heart since he doesn't want to hear my voice. I believe that connection goes beyond physical actions. I believe thoughts can be heard by those we love. I try to hear his thoughts and understand without taking it personally.
We don't control our emotions and sometimes they overwhelm us. That's what this blog is for: to spill my overwhelming emotions into, to try to cope with feelings that I struggle to experience.
Life has grown easier in some ways as I experience more facets of it. I wouldn't go back in time.
It doesn't change the fact that I'm vulnerable. I'm not sure I'll find love, in fact I fear I won't. Maybe it's not for me. Maybe my purpose is just to spread love around rather than have it for my own.
Life is for me and all I can do is sadly carry on, until the sadness becomes less. Slowly, I can't force anyone to believe in love with me. But I'll continue to believe in it anyway. Silly me :) Forever hopeful. A blessing and a curse.
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