I recently read a book by an author that dubs herself Aspen Matis, called "Girl in the Woods". I'm a big non-fiction writer and I'm somewhat obsessed with reading about distance hikes such as the PCT and the AT. I bulk ordered a bunch of books that I had made a list of through looking them up on amazon and then checking out the, 'these people also bought' section. I ended up getting more than I bargained for.
The premise: Aspen, aka Deborah, was a freshman in college when she was raped. Raised by an overbearing mother who didn't know how to foster independence in her child, she felt helpless in the situation. In order to gain the independence she lacked, and overcome this experience, she drops out of school and hikes the Pacific Crest Trail.
It was hard to read this book because I could relate to this girl's rape experience almost exactly. From the hanging out with a small group, having just started college, and ending up in a situation where I too felt helpless. I even ended up changing my name as well. It sucks in more ways than one, because now I kick myself wondering why didn't I just kick that asshole out of my house. Hah. Coulda, shoulda, woulda, didn't.
It became long and drawn out because Francois was butt-hurt that I didn't want to be his girlfriend, after he pressured me into having sex I didn't want to have with him. So he decided to punish me by harassing me with phone calls from him and his buddies about how they wanted to fuck me and slut-hate notes addressed to me on the door of my friend's dorm room. I eventually went to school services and they threatened to kick him out of school unless he left me alone.
But that wasn't my first rape, and it also wasn't the most painful.
It's unfortunate that these situations present themselves. I mean I think back now and I wonder why in the heck would someone want to have sex with an unwilling partner? How could we have been so on a different page that he thought that we should walk to school together the next day holding hands, when I couldn't wait for him to get the heck out of my house? Why didn't I feel that I had the power over my body to kick him out after the first few 'nos'? Questions that haunt me.
If this story isn't too difficult to read, then continue to Part II: The first rape.
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