Attraction

Attraction is really uncomfortable for me. In the past I had trouble differentiating between being attracted to someone and acting on it. I felt that the intensity of my experience of attraction felt so intense that the object of it must notice. While perhaps it is difficult to completely obfuscate when I'm attracted to someone, I now understand that I can make some decisions as to how I allow it to influence my behaviour. To some extent.
Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of attraction. I recently read an academic article that was comparing the neurochemistry of interacting with your baby and with someone that you're in the throes of new love with. Apparently they both inhibit the same part of your brain that does critical thinking. So just like how you still love your baby despite it's high pitched enduring screams, you still feel loving towards you new flower despite their very obvious drug addiction.
So how do we navigate these waters so that attraction does not become disaster? There are some strategies that I try to employ. I try not to keep my attraction to someone a secret from trusted others in my life. I have learned not to tell them because that creates more fireworks. Secrets also create intrigue and adrenaline. Being mindful of where and the length of time I spend with someone I'm feeling amorous toward has been helpful. Noticing how I interact with them through text, making conscious decisions to flirt, or not.
This is all to protect myself from yet another relationship with someone who's not quite a good fit for my temperament. Not that I regret any of the partners I have had, I still even have a lot of love (but no contact) with the drug addict. But I'm getting old and my energy is more focused on the other luxuries in life, like spending time on my own, being still, writing!
Relationships take up a lot of time and energy, and that's great when they enhance your life, but not so good when you end up in a caregiving role with someone. I don't want to take care of anyone. I don't even know if I want to have kids anymore because the thought of taking care of someone else makes me want to run. Taking care of myself is a full-time job, that I'm enjoying.
But feelings of attraction...they're so yummy, so consuming! The pull of potentially having an erotic experience with someone else can be difficult to manage. It takes a lot of effort to resist, but I imagine the effort of being in a draining relationship...probably more effort than resisting sex. Plus, sex is so much better when we jive with our partners emotionally and feel seen, heard and respected.