I recently read that it's important to know why you want to engage in nonmonogamy if it is a lifestyle choice that you have selected. Apparently it gives you something to reflect upon when you're struggling through the more challenging feelings that might come up in this dynamic. So here goes it:
I am choosing to be nonmonogamous because I feel that it is something that I have been naturally drawn to as I've explored romantic connection over much of my life. I feel that it helps me challenge a sense of scarcity that sometimes comes up for me in different aspects of my life and when I felt like I was 'supposed' to be monogamous. I feel like it allows me more space to feel like the relationships I am in are truly a choice and not a default or an avoidance of being along. I feel like it allows me to explore various genders sexually and not having to be locked into being in a het- or homo- dynamic. It allows me opportunities to reach new levels of communication and emotional intimacy with partners and with myself. It teaches me about myself and how I respond to different things, what turns me on, and what I need in order to feel secure within a connection (any connection). It helps me diversify my sense of community and how I get my needs met and takes pressure off any particular relationship.
It feels like nonmonogamy fits within my value system. The only different with me starting to use this label for myself a few months ago, is that now I'm better able to communicate with romantic partners about what is happening between us. Before I felt like I was being a lot more deceptive when I was in monogamous partnerships and even when I was just seeking partnership from a monogamous stance. I feel like I can be open about how I feel about others and when I can be open then I feel more freedom to state what my needs are and what I'm looking for in a connection with someone.
I realize that many of these things are potentially possible in a monogamous connection and I recognize that, for me, a nonmonogamous connection feels like a much better fit. I didn't realize how much I would enjoy being openly open when I started a recent nonmonogamous connection. I know there will be challenges, just as there have been in every romantic relationship, and I know that I can weather them. This is important to me, it feels right and I feel like I have the right partner at this time to try it out with. I'm motivated, I'm excited to learn and grow, I feel safe in my current romantic connection and heck, what is life for if not to try things out?
