In this video by the channel Loving BDSM (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xklimaaSjKE), Kayla and JB discuss erotic humiliation, also known as humiliation play or degradation. Something that stood out for me that Kayla pointed out is humiliation is difficult to define because what individuals find humiliating can vary dramatically. This highlights the intimacy of having the knowledge of what feels humiliating to folks in your social group.
I recently was told by a new lover that one of their flaws in relationship is that they can say very mean and cutting things to their partner. While they are working towards not doing this, it has become a force of habit that is difficult to change. Due to reading Existential Kink by Elliott, by the next day I had the idea that perhaps it was something to lean into and use in our play together.
What I didn't realize at the time was that this is a form of power exchange. The amount of power that someone holds just by knowing what creates humiliation in another person is very intimate. The kind of safety that humiliation play requires takes time to foster and will potentially be a part of my play with my lover at a later date. Until then I am delving into other people's experiences so I can learn as much as possible to do it safely.
Ms. ElleX (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLAwDh_GQDQ) reads a followers questions about humiliation play and responds with love. Elle points out that when we are emotionally shutting down during a scene that it's important to pause and take a break. Plowing through our discomfort and dissociating is not helping us to fully allow ourselves to enjoy the experience. She brings up the concept of compare and despair reminding us that our sexuality is a buffet that we can pick and choose from, it's not about comparing what we like to those around us.
While I'm tempted to explore what causes me humiliation in this post, I want to acknowledge that it is not safe to share with just anyone what causes me humiliation because I cannot control who's hands this information might fall into. Protect yourself, share with safe people.
Within the bounds of consent, there are no 'correct' choices when it comes to play and sexuality
