What is the significance of sexual intercourse? Does it mean anything special to me? It feels like it's supposed to be an important experience and I can't quite grasp why. Why isn't oral sex or digital sex just as significant? In some ways they're more intimate because you're surrendering yourself to the pleasure giver and allowing yourself to fall into a very vulnerable state.
Sex changed a lot when I stopped using alcohol in combination with it. Alcohol speeds everything up, it erases all the emotions and awkwardnesses that make sex so intimacy and bonding. Without the alcohol, there's so much space to connect. Moments of eye contact, calming of thoughts, sensations, sounds, luxury in the moment.
I want to feel 100% enthusiastic about who I let enter my vagina. I'm not confident in myself to make those decisions sometimes because I haven't always made the best ones. Those bad choices can really haunt you though. Stick in your mind. I have done a lot of work to release the pain of them. Perhaps they are a faded photograph.
I love dicks. I love how hard they get and how fun they are to play with. They kind of remind me of hilahila, which is a thorny grass that closes when you touch it. It feels alive. Making a penis hard reminds me of touching the grass and making it close. X) Penis fun.
Tomorrow I'm going to have fun with a penis. No expectations other than that and my body will feels some beautiful pleasure.
