Experiencing some amount of burn out appears to be an inevitable part of being a counsellor so it's not so much about how to avoid it rather than how to recognize it's happening and address it sooner than later. I notice that I'm burning out when I stop feeling passionate about school. I know I'm passionate about school as a fact so when it feels like I am not I eventually realize that it's a symptom rather than reality.
Another signal is general irritability. I can especially notice this when I interact with my partner and things that I usually find annoying but manageable feel like things I need him to immediate change and address about himself. This is challenging because it results in me expressing myself in a way that feels disrespectful and mean which results in extended shame and discomfort on my part. We have discussed how to navigate this part of me and it's still a work in progress, but at least it's not a secret.
A third symptom that I recognize is general fatigue. I noticed this morning that even though I had a very good sleep last night that I still felt that sensation of burning relief when I closed my eyes. Ahhhhh, sweet burning relief. I thought I was well rested, but this helped me recognize that I needed more than one night of restful sleep.
Highly distressing situations take several days or even weeks to move through even if it might be easy to ignore the residual effects. I'm really trying to lean in to paying attention to my body and what it needs to tell me about what's happening for me unconsciously. There are signals that I have overlooked in the past that can help me process what is going on so that it doesn't need to be stored for future analysis.
Essentially I have recognized that I no longer want to 'hold on' to experiences that don't serve me. I don't want to live in fear. I want to recognize that shitty interactions occur, don't need to be the norm, and I am resilient and strong so I'm able to live through them without too much suicidal ideation. Some, but not too much. At this point, I have enough folks in my life that I can tell if I'm feeling suicidal and I know they understand. By sharing it and not keeping it as a shameful secret, it passes more quickly and doesn't burden me as heavily.
I got some time off work as a result of experiencing burn out and I thought that my days off would be filled with catching up on school. Wrong I was, there were many other important things that I needed to do in order to catch up on taking care of myself which included doing nothing that felt 'productive'. Making time to experience the moment and whatever it brings is essential to my mental wellness. It can be really hard to value empty space in my calendar to the point of safeguarding it. Having a bit more time for now allows me to understand just how precious it can be.
