Safety

There's something about waking up at 5am when the sun hasn't come up yet and everyone else in the house is still sleeping that makes me feel a sort of excitement. That I need to sneak around so I don't wake anyone else up and in doing so I feel like I'm on a secret mission. Unfortunately along with my secret mission ploy comes out my fear of darkness. It's hard to know the line between rational and irrational when you are afraid of something. I once dated a guy when I had just moved to Victoria, BC and when we first started dating he refused to walk me from the bus stop to his house when it was nighttime. This was a deal breaker for me, I knew from that moment that our relationship wouldn't last very long, yet there were still 5 months of it to go.

Where does this fear come from? When should I listen to it and when should I push through? Is it ever a good idea to walk around a city at night by yourself? I find that the people that grew up in a place are often more likely to be comfortable travelling around by foot wherever they please, depending on if they have come upon unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives.

I was once mugged by kids with guns on the edge of "the bad part" of NDG in Montreal, QB. I was 17 years old and had just left home 6 weeks previous for the first time. It was 7pm and I was on my way home from French class. Afterwards, I thought that if I'm not safe on my way home from class, then when am I safe? It's been 8 years and I still haven't forgotten the terror I felt. Will I ever?

Being afraid isn't always beneficial. When fear strikes my heart strong enough, then I become paralysed. I'm neither fight, nor flight, but the third 'f' which is freeze. When I was mugged I froze so completely that I forgot how to speak. My tongue and my mouth and my vocal cords weren't able to coordinate for a while afterwards. Try explaining that to the family who's door you're pounding on like your life depends on it. They were very nice. My mother sent them a gift basket.

Shit happens. It's not likely, and it can't be predicted and I don't believe that I can be prepared for it. Living in fear doesn't enhance my life, it makes it harder. I know to take certain precautions, which is one of the many reasons that I imbibe very little alcohol and why I have become somewhat of a bicycle expert.

But the fear still pervades, and it's not just me because I can feel it from my parents when I am far away and from other's around me. It's hard to feel truly safe.

By: Rose